Windy City Wiffle Ball

By: Trevor Collie

1-09-10: The Windy City Wiffle Ball League received this e-mail from Sycamore, Illinois native and self proclaimed “wiffle King” Trevor “Brian’s Song” Collie this week. Collie, who runs two tournaments a year, is a very competitive pitcher with a gross change-up. Apparently he is also a Windy City fan. Here’s what Collie wrote to Commissioner Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan:

“Jimmy, you have added two strong players. But what is a league
without the Wiffle King??
Not a league in my eyes but more of a sorority.
Let me see, Joey Donughts and I knock out Ryan in one of my recent
tourneys and dominated Jared last fall.
Hmmmmmmmm.
Don't believe the rumors, I will be back this year. Knee surgery will
not keep me down.
Therapy is going strong. 15 pounds down and another 20 to go. Just
picked up the knee brace. Bought prescription sport glasses last year
and have now added a pitching machine.
And oh yeah, my riser came back to me last year.
Working on a new web address, wiffleking.com
Ryan, what happened with your partner last time? Pitching left him.”

Tribe signs biggest offseason free agent

1-07-10: The 2006 Thunderbowl Champion and 2009 Thunderbowl “runner-up” Ft. Phinbone Apaches signed former Downer’s Grove Alcoholic Jared Brown to a 1 year contract today. Brown, a strong candidate for Rookie of the Year this season, went into free agency a week ago after his friends were not willing to commit to playing. The Apaches quickly jumped on the communication line with Brown and began recruiting him the night he announced his free agency. As you may recall, last month the Dirty Beavers announced their signing of Fat Bastard 2009 Champion Ryan Breen, a signing that got the league buzzing about “dirty” play and “back dooring” by the Beavers. Beaver Captain Eric King even was referred to as having Spina DNA by an anonymous league member. Apache Captain Jimmy Galvan admitted that he was shocked by King’s actions but said that Breen never gave the Apaches any commitment. “It was dirty and showed personality traits I did not know he (King) had but its part of game and we have moved on” Galvan said. The more outspoken Apache member Keith Matusek said "Eric’s plan backfired. Instead of creating fear in the league, his smugness created the desire to beat him, which we will do." Matusek added "Don't get me wrong, Breen would have been nice to have on our team but he is no Jared." Brown, who hit .472 with 10HR and 52 RBI is 4 games shy of rookie status. We asked Brown why he decided so quickly to sign with the Apaches. “I figured if all the Beavers posts about how much better they are were true, then what fun would it be to sign with a powerhouse team?” Brown added “the courtesy I received from Jim over the times have definitely made me feel the Apaches would be a fun group of guys to play with.” When asked what he thought about all the hype Breen was bringing to the league Brown said “I have played wiffle ball in 10 states and never heard of him.” Brown admitted that just because he has not heard of Breen doesn’t mean that he is not a good player and he looks forward to the opportunity to play against him. Brown says he has one goal playing with the Apaches: “To win a title.” A comment that we know makes Matusek smile.

“Jared is like Dennis Rodman: hate to face him but love having him on your side."

Keith “L-Train” Matusek
Ft. Phinbone Apaches

We made the league fun again!

February

2-19-09: The Board of Review, minus Mike “Slappy” Spina, opens an investigation into a game that was played in 2007 with the Downer’s Grove Aztecs and the Orland Park Punishers. Derek Radek admitted to playing a game with players who were not on either team’s roster in order to make the play-offs.

March

3-25-09: 2008 Rookie of the Year Tate Schwab of the Ft. Phinbone Apaches, advised his team Captain, Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan, that he can not play anymore due finances.

April

4-09-09: The League votes to ban the entire Washington Generals and Orland Park Punishers for “disruptive’ behavior. Mike “Slappy” Spina receives the harshest sentence: a lifetime ban. He is only the 2nd player to receive such a sentence.

4-23-09: Washington General and Orland Park Punisher’s GM Mike Spina advises the league that he is not returning the Thunderbowl trophy. Spina even mentions the trophy may be smashed and televised on the popular web site YouTube.

4-26-09: Ft. Phinbone Apache Keith “Air” Matusek’s bat gets confiscated by the league after the Dirty Beavers allege he tampered with his bat illegally to get an offensive advantage. Matusek inflated his bat with air hence giving him the new nickname. Two days later the bat was turned over to Cesar Hernandez who then turned the case over to the Board of Review (minus Eric King).

4-30-09: Ft. Phinbone Apache Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan named Player of the Month.

May

5-03-09: Downer’s Grove Alcoholic Jared Brown records his first career hit, Grand Slam and Home Run. Ft. Phinbone Apache Chad Westfall records his first career hit in Game 2 of a doubleheader against the Downer’s Grove Alcoholics after going 0-6 in Game 1.

5-18-09: Ft. Phinbone Apache Keith “Air” Matusek is found guilty of illegally tampering with his bat to give him an offensive advantage by Jaime Hernandez. Hernandez fines Matusek $10, the most expensive single fine in WCWBL history.

5-31-09: Ft. Phinbone Apache Keith “Air” Matusek records his 100th career thrown K. Downer’s Grove Alcoholic Derek Radek named Player of the Month.

June

6-30-09: Ft. Phinbone Apache Keith “Air” Matusek is named Player of the Month.

July

7-31-09: Ft. Phinbone Apache Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan is named Player of the Month.

August

8-04-09: Jaime “Old School” Hernandez completes the new Thunderbowl trophy to replace the original one stolen by the Orland Park Punishers.

8-08-09: Windy City sends two teams to the Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball tournament held in Rockford, Mi. Representing the Dutch Rudders were Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan & Keith “L-Train” Matusek. Representing Blago’s Bleepin’ Golden Crew were Tommy “Beer Batter” Ewing, Jaime “Old School” Hernandez & Eric “Ice” King. Despite not winning the tournament, The Dutch Rudders won “Best Team Name” and King won the “Good Hands” award.

8-31-09: Downer’s Grove Alcoholic Jared Brown named Player of the Month.

September

9-13-09: The 9-6 Ft. Phinbone Apaches host the 1-10 Dirty Beavers in the Thunderbowl. The Apaches take both games 1&2 highlighted by a Keith Matusek 3HR day.

9-15-09: The Beavers defeat the Apaches in Game 3 10-6 to make the series 2-1. Matusek strikes Galvan in the eye with a thrown bat that sends the Apaches in a downward swirl.

9-27-09: The Beavers win games 4&5 to win the Thunderbowl in what is called both the biggest upset and biggest choke in WCWBL history. Matusek wins Thunderbowl MVP.

October

10-10-09: Keith Matusek signs a lifetime contract with the Ft. Phinbone Apaches.

10-19-09: Fat Bastard 2009 Champion Ryan Breen signs a lifetime contract with the Dirty Beavers after wearing an Apache jersey at the Fat Bastard tournament.

November

11-01-09: Keith Matusek publicly announces his apology to Jimmy Galvan for the 2009 Thunderbowl bat throwing incident.

11-11-09: Backyard Bulldog Jaime “Old School” Hernandez and his wife Marcia celebrate the birth of their daughter Molly Paige bringing their total census to three.

December

12-01-09: The following award winners are announced: Most Valuable Player- Keith Matusek, Apaches, Most Improved- Matusek, Strike-out King- Matusek(135), Sticky Fingers- Eric King, Beavers, HR King- Jimmy Galvan, Apaches(14), Whiner- Matusek, Thunderbowl MVP- Matusek.

As the MLB free agency is going and big names have been signed to new contract so has the Windy City’s. One team in particular has been in a fierce battle for a player that is new to the region but not to some of the players in the league. It all started at this years Fatty when word got out about Ryan “Where You” Breen has moved to Chesterton, IN and is interested in playing more wiffle ball and possibly joining our league. With that being said both Jim and Keith where looking to score a big addition to their team for next year. They even went as far as asking Ryan to put on an Apache jersey during the championship game at Harvard Yards!!!! But little did Jim and Keith know that the two representatives (Tommy and Eric) from the Beavers were also in talks with Ryan. So we were not too concerned with Ryan wearing the Apache jersey. So with the Fatty being over and Ryan and his teammate Ben “Spicolli” Taylor finally winning the much deserved Fatty Championship I continued to talk to Ryan about possibly joining the Dirty Beavers for the 2010 season. He said it’s a possibility and he wanted to let me know that Jim has also asked him to join the Apaches as well. I said Ryan it’s up to you but the entire Beaver team would like it if you joined us on our quest in winning a WCWBL championship. So on September 24, 2009 I reached to Ryan and asked him if he giving it any thought and wanted to join the Dirty Beavers? Ryan responded to me on September 27th and said “Yeah for sure. I heard from Jimmy but I'm leaning your way” once I heard that I knew that I had to react quickly if we wanted to get Ryan signed. This was all going on while the Beavers where making the greatest comeback in WCWB history to win the championship from the Apaches after starting 2 games down!!! So on October 19, 2009 Ryan” Where You” Breen officially became a member of the 2009 WCWB Champions Dirty Beavers by signing a lifetime contract. The Beavers have also secured Tom “Beer Batter” Ewing and Lonnie “The Professor” Rucker to life time contract as well. The only person the Beavers need to still sign is John Gray. John is currently contemplating retirement, but this has not been made official. The Beavers front office hope to have a decision from John by the time the 2010 season begins so that they can begin their journey of winning their 2nd WCWB Championship.

After Ryan “Where You” Breen was signed to his new contract a member of the Thunder Times caught up to him and asked him a few question regarding his joining of the WCWBL as well as what made him sign with the Beavers and not the Apaches and here’s Ryan’s responds:

I’m thankful and excited for the opportunity to play in a league that I consider premium. Joining a team that is returning as defending champion makes helping them repeat as the one and only goal this year. In the off season I feel like a hot-rod that is being parked for the winter. Each year I wonder if I’ll be able to get up and go when the weather breaks. The spirit of a wiffle ball is not owned by anyone, and those arrogant enough to think they have a grasp of it are in for a rude awakening. I just pray as I age that the spirit shows up from wherever it sleeps and finds it home in me for the summer.

Why did you choose to sign with the Dirty Beavers?
I chose to sign with the Beavers 1st and foremost because they made me feel loved. I saw a team with everything going for them including this year’s championship pursue me as if they needed me more than I needed them. I knew that wasn't the case but I felt it revealed something about the humble character of the team especially Eric King. Also, the chance to hit in the same lineup and field with a legend like Lonnie Rucker made it a no brainer in the end.
What made you want to play wiffle ball?
I’m white and can't play basketball and there aren’t a lot of other sports where 2-4 guys can get together and have a competitive game in any backyard, driveway, or park.
Who was your idol growing up and why? I tried to pick different sports related idols growing and looking back I think the one that still influences me is the '85 Bears.
What has been your favorite moment in your life up to this point? Waking up each day with a healthy and intact family is the favorite moment of my life.
What has been your favorite moment so far in wiffle ball? Winning the Fat Bastard this past summer despite not feeling or playing our best has been my favorite moment.
Who's your favorite artist that you like to listen to on the radio? The radio sucks for the most part. I prefer my iPod, and then I can pull out any '80's love ballad that fits my mood.
And finally who are you looking to go after in your first year playing with the Windy City Wiffle Ball League?
I know what people are getting at by asking this question but the real answer is myself. I have a standard in my mind for personal performance and team contribution that will be extremely upsetting if I don’t meet it. I respect all the players and feel blessed whenever I am in the presence a guy like Galvan or Rucker who I consider legends. But if you want a particular person it would have to be Jim Galvan who has had my number in years past and winning in a league with him in it would go a long way to restore some of the self-esteem that was taken by the kids who picked on me in 6th grade.